I am worthy...

Dreams

I had a dream last night. Imagine that! I'm a dreamer in so many ways. Before I tell you about my dream, let me say this. Just because we are Christians does not mean we don't struggle. In fact, we struggle against the devil trying to pull us away from God. The devil tries to cause separation and in many cases, succeeds. I struggle with self worth. Always have! I fight it daily. Years of being told I'm not good enough in so many situations, and listening, has caused many issues. Parents, siblings, family members, music leaders, bosses, and yes, friends have reaffirmed my feeling of not being worthy. I once had a friend tell me we couldn't be friends anymore because I had "too much baggage". I think that's why I love Megan Woods' song, Truth, so much. It hits home.

My husband doesn't understand this struggle. He is self-assured. He knows his worth and to whom he turns to. My heart knows mine, but my head challenges my heart daily. I have learned to pray through it. This past month or so has been difficult. I have had a few things arise that bring that self-worth to the forefront. I have learned to command the devil to "Get behind me". But then I listen to the world again and I'm right back where I was, doubting my worth.

I dreamt about a person last night that I haven't really talked to in a couple of years. This person has been critical of my abilities in so many ways. I have learned to live and love throughout our relationship because that is who I am and what I choose. Again, I have not talked to that person in quite a long time. But, the devil used that person in my dream to tell me again that I wasn't worthy. But God intervened in my dream this time. I remember in my dream telling that person that I couldn't wait to go to Heaven and meet God. I couldn't wait for Him to tell me "Well done, thy good and faithful servant." I have used those words before in my testimony. I strive for that acclamation over all. God woke me up at that point. He woke me up reminding me that I am enough. He is the only person that I need to seek acceptance from and I am worthy. I heard "Truth" on the way to work. I listened to the words and my heart and head cried, "I am worthy". I am made in His image. He loves me. Now, I can't tell you that I won't have the feelings of not being worthy and lacking self worth again. That is the area in which the devil works hard on me. That is my weakness and the devil knows it. But God...God is my strength.

You see, it is in our weakness that the devil finds the foothold. Ben Fuller has a song, "Turn". My grandson loves Ben Fuller and was able to see him in concert. I heard that song as well on the way to work. In this song, the verse that states "Couldn’t get the words out to worship. But you heard me through the tears. Turns out I’ve never had nothing to prove. And I surе don’t have nothing to fear." reminds us that we don't have anything to prove to the world. We have Jesus who paid the ultimate debt for us. If we weren't worthy, He wouldn't have died on the Cross.

The commentator on the channel I listen to then quoted the verse, Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." You see, everything this morning reminded me of God's promises. God's promise that was displayed on the Cross. He loves me. He died for me. When I don't feel worthy, am I telling God that he made a mistake? Am I telling Him that He shouldn't have died for me? I don't deserve Him! If God felt that I was worthy enough to send His only Son to die, then who am I to tell Him that I am not worthy? Who am I to let the devil have that control over me? You see, I am made in the image of the perfect King. I am Worthy.